Welcome to Our Adoption Blog!

We are hoping that one day we will be able to add another family member to our family. We invite you to come in and take a look around. We may just be another ordinary family, but to us, everyday is a miracle!

Monday, May 19, 2008

A Mother's Plea!

"Dear Father, bless my child that she may not be alone..."

Today I am really struggling. I am not sure if it is hormones or what, but I am having a hard time today! The worst part of it all, is that I am grieving for my daughter. My heart aches because I cannot provide for her a sibling to have as constant companionship or a friend to play with. I guess it has been a series of events that have led me to this point, so I guess to get this off of my chest, I will explain.

Moment 1- Sometimes Shaeler can be a little stubborn at times and will have some difficulties playing or sharing or has to get her way. Let me remind you, she is 3 years old. A comment I get occasionally is that "well, she's an only child and they can get to be spoiled brats." Ouch! That one hurts on multiple levels. I do agree that yes, she does get her way at home, but what am I suppose to do? Also, if you knew me, you would know that we are trying to add another family member, and statements like that make me feel like a failure. Trust me, this is not a choice that she is an only child.

Moment 2- This morning Shaeler was playing in her bedroom and she has imaginary friends. I thought to myself, alright, she is so creative, she has imaginary friends. And then I broke down because if I could give her anything in the world, it would be a little brother or sister for companionship so she wouldn't have to pretend. Again, I grieve because I cannot provide that for her at this time. It's ok, she doesn't know any better. I guess this is one of the few times that the phrase "ïgnorance is bliss" is acceptable.

Moment 3- Last night I was at Enrichment and talking with a few of the other moms in the ward. One mom has a daughter Shaelers age and her daughter is just a hoot. She was talking about how all of her children have kind of rubbed off on their youngest daughter and she believes has shaped her into the little character she is. I was so envious of her talking about her children and how they take care of each other and affect each other. Again, something that I just cannot provide at this time for Shaeler.

Yes, she does have cousins, but there is a huge age gap and they are moving on with their lives into the teenage things. I cannot express to you how my heart aches when Shaeler is thrown out of a room or told to leave and she comes running to me crying. I guess this may be a touchy issue for me because of the loneliness issues that I deal with. And on their behalf, they are older and have every right to do the older kid things.

I prayed this morning, pleaing with God to put my wants aside and to please bless Shaeler with the blessings she deserves. Maybe I am being too down or selfish today, but I have to remind myself that these are the trials I probably asked for.

One positive hope is that another one of my friends talked to me last night and said that her friend knew a girl that was looking for an open adoption. She said that she said my name. I could have jumped up and kissed her. I figured that when I tell people that we are trying to adopt that they just say Congratulations and move on with their lives. It touched me that she remembered me and said my name. I am extremely grateful just for the thought.

Ok, I feel a little bit better now! I guess I just needed to express my thoughts and let it out! Thank you for bearing with me on that and I promise that I will do much better today!

1 comment:

The Staheli's said...

I hope it's okay for me to comment here. You don't know me & I don't know you and I know it's been some time since you wrote this...but it absolutely struck home. This is me. This is my life. This is exactly how I feel for my sweet 3 year old daughter. I too, plead with God, not for me, but for her. I wish you lots of luck & blessings in this journey.